


Immortality is Mine

by resonatingkitty



Category: Naruto
Genre: Kakuzu don't stay dead, M/M, headcannon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 07:35:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5859958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/resonatingkitty/pseuds/resonatingkitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Death. It's not something that Kakuzu ever expected to have to face. He'd cheated it for many years. But when it does happen, he finds himself at the feet of Lord Jashin, who wants to grant him immortal life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Immortality is Mine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hoppspindel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hoppspindel/gifts).



> A post of Kakuzu in curse for over on Tumblr and urging from Hoppspindel is what inspired this little piece here. 
> 
> Follows the head cannon that Jashin sees that Kakuzu is the only person who actually has the capability of staying in Hidan's life forever. He's not immortal but pretty dang near close to it. So when something does happen to Kakuzu, Jashin intervenes and works his godly powers to ensure that his most loyal follower is able to have a companion that he likes forever. 
> 
> I've literally spent the last four or so hours writing this after a burst of motivation. I haven't proofed it yet so all mistakes are mine and will be fixed eventually.

Death. It's something that Kakuzu was sure that he'd cheated a long time ago. Five hearts instead of one. Meant he had very good odds of living through anything. He'd gotten dangerously close once before, with four hearts destroyed but he managed to survive. He was, for the most part, immortal. 

But here he lay, vision fading him. He could feel the struggle of his hearts, all five of them as they fought to beat within his body. Poison. During his incredibly long life, he'd always been careful when dealing with anyone who had an extensive or even basic knowledge of how to make it. It was his idiotic partner's fault that he was suffering now. 

Hidan. The loud foul mouthed Jashinist that had joined the Akatsuki and become his final partner, as Pein had put it. It didn't take Kakuzu long to realize why Pein had said that. He soon found out why Hidan would be his last partner, bastard couldn't die. He'd learned that after two short hours with putting up with the silver haired man screaming and berating around while he was trying to count the money he'd collected from the bounty he'd gotten prior to returning to the base. He'd told the idiot to shut his mouth or his head would roll. Hidan had blared off at him, called him a heathen son of a bitch and actually dared him to attack. That's when Kakuzu had snapped, hardening his arm and used it as a blade to slice the Jashinist's head clean from his shoulders. Blood had gone everywhere, creating a mess. Kakuzu had briefly thought 'Oops' and was preparing to go inform Pein of the loss of yet another partner when a string of curses flew from the decapitated head, directed at him. He'd looked down, to see bright eyes open and glaring at him. And thus the rest was history as they say. He and Hidan had been a formidable team ever since. The Zombie Twins as the rest of the Akatsuki members referred to them as. 

One of his hearts gave a violent lurch before it fell still. It drew his attention back to the present as pain erupted through his body. His face twisted. 

"Kakuzu!" Hidan was kneeling beside him, looking absolutely lost and panicked. A look that Kakuzu had never seen on his face all the time they'd been partners. The bounty they had been hunted was lying in a bloody, sliced up heap not to far from them, Hidan having dispatched the pour soul right after Kakuzu took the hit that would have otherwise hit Hidan. Thinking back Kakuzu didn't know why he did it. It was an instictual thing. Hidan was immortal. The poison wouldn't have killed him. And Hidan mirrors his thoughts by says, near frantically, his voice several octaves higher than normal, "You fucking idiot, why'd you get in the way? I'm immortal. Poison won't hurt me!" 

"I... don't" Kakuzu starts to say but it's cut off by another wave of pain as another of his hearts lurches and stops beating. He's growing weaker by the second but he tries again through clenched teeth, "I don't know." 

"Shit. Shit. Fuck. Shit! Kakuzu what do I do?! Tell me what I need to do!" Hidan is speaking fast, words flowing from his mouth. He even sounds panicked. 

"Take the bounty to the station. Collect the money. Return back to the base. Report my death." It sounds harsh, even to Kakuzu's own ears, but it's what they do. He knows he's dying. There isn't anything he could do. He feels a third heart starting to slow. It soon will stop altogether as well. There isn't time for anything to be done. His body can't adapt to a new heart this fast and the poison still pumping through his veins would kill it instantly anyway. A hospital possibly could cure the poisoning in time but with being S ranked criminals wanted in all the lands whose appearances are more than most likely mapped in the minds of every shinobi that's out of the academy, a hospital is out of the question. Being captured is a death sentence on its own. 

He's not surprised though with Hidan shakes his head. Hidan is loyal. Has proven that fact over and over again when he's had Kakuzu's back. "Fuck no I'm not leaving you here! There has to be something. An antidote or something! I can get Sasori. He'll have an antidote!" 

The Jashinist moves to stand but Kakuzu grabs his wrists. 

"Hidan!" It's hard to raise his voice but he does. Grits his teeth, swallows "Listen to me," normally when he says this Hidan does the opposite but he's listening now, "there is no help for me. I'm already down four hearts and my last is failing," it's a lie but the truth. He's down two. But he can feel the remaining three starting to slow up. He pretends he doesn't see the look of pure horror cross Hidan's face at his words. "Take the bounty. Collect the damn money. Report me dead because that's exactly what I am. Now go. Let me die in peace." 

He's probably seeing things but he swears he could see tears in Hidan's eyes as the Jashinist nods. When he lets go, Hidan gets up and turns away. He can heard shuffling then he can hear the sound of footsteps. They come up to him and he opens his eyes - when did he close them? Hidan is staring down at him and he's definitely seeing things because he thinks he sees tears running down Hidan's cheeks. His ears are even off because when Hidan speaks, his voice is strained, tear-filled, "Kakuzu..."

He just knows what Hidan is going to say. The Jashinist had always said that he was going to be happier once Kakuzu's old mangy ass was dead. Kakuzu raises his hand, waves Hidan off, murmuring, "I don't want to hear you gloat about my death. You always said you'd be happier when I died. Got your wish. Just don't gloat about it. Go. Just go." 

Hidan hesitates but he does as instructed. He turns. And Kakuzu hears his footsteps as he departs. He's left alone until his last three hearts give violent lurches of their own before they all fall still and he is engulfed in darkness. 

-

Kakuzu finds himself in a room facing a throne. He blinked in confusion. While he wasn't one who was overly religious nor did he believe in things such as Gods and other deities, he didn't think that he'd end up being judged. He was a bad man. He'd done a lot of bad things. No judgement needed. The things he'd done wasn't something that could be forgiven. Not even by a God. He'd always figured that if he died, that he's get one express trip to the depths of hell. 

Apparently that's not the case, he thinks as he looks around. The room is brandished in black glossy marble ties from floor to ceiling. The throne itself was red, the color that would be blood when it is oxidized. 

"Do you like my throne room?" A booming voice echoes around the room and Kakuzu whips around. A cloaked figure, taller than he was, stood just behind him. He couldn't see the figures face but his eyes did land on the thing around his neck. A pendant with the Jashin symbol. Just like the one Hidan had. 

"It's impressive," He answers, "Looks like it cost a fortune to build." he gestures to the tiles, "That sort of marble isn't cheap."

"Money is immaterial," the figure says instantly and Kakuzu had to fight not to roll his eyes. Fucking Jashinists. "But I can see you have a fascination with it. It's valuable to you Kakuzu." The figure disappears from behind him, reappearing seated on his throne. 

"You know me? How?" Kakuzu asks, suspiciously. He's pretty sure he knows who this guy is but until he gets confirmation he's not going to assume anything. 

"I know all. I see all. My name is Jashin. You may call me Lord Jashin." The figure says, "You know my most loyal follower, Hidan. He's prayed for you heathen soul from the moment you two became partners." 

So Kakuzu's suspicions were correct. This was the God that Hidan never shut up about, Jashin. The added information about Hidan's prayers doesn't surprise him either. The silver haired man never was secretive in the fact that he was praying for him. Kakuzu just never had paid any attention to the idiot. 

"Why am I here? Surely when people die they do not land in your chambers," Kakuzu questions. Theoretically only people who practice a religion of a certain god would be the only ones to see that god when they died. Kakuzu wasn't a Jashinist. He didn't practice the religion. Most of the time he criticized it just to piss Hidan off. 

"Normally they do not. I have no time to be dealing with heathen souls. They do not follow my teachings therefore their deaths bring great joy to my ever black heart," Well yeah Kakuzu figured that. Still doesn't explain why he's here though. "However," a hand appears from one of the sleeves, gesturing towards him. Kakuzu doesn't miss the long sharpened nails on the hand, "you are the only exception. For you see, I've had my eyes on you for so long. You are a man who has cheated death. Your path is one that I find very interesting to retrace. You found near immortality all on your own. But that is not the only reason that I grabbed your soul and brought it here. Hidan is the reason your are here." 

"Hidan?" Kakuzu echoes in disbelief. 

Jashin nods. "He has been praying for me to save you. Is still praying for me to save you. You are the second thing he's ever liked in his life. The only thing, save for me, that he thought would never leave him, that would be with him forever. And his heart is breaking with the thought that you are no longer here. It pains me to see my most loyal follower, who has devoted himself to me fully, in so much pain. And I can tell you think more of him that you let on. Don't try to argue with me I'm a god remember." 

Kakuzu closes his mouth where it opened to do just that. He lets Jashin's words sink in. Hidan was a pain in his ass most of the time. That much is true. The Jashinist was loud, stubborn. He never listens to a think Kakuzu says. He's argumentative. Loves to start shit and be a pest. He always claimed to not like the silver haired man but that's all it ever was, just talk. There was no truth to any of the claim. Hidan was his partner. Hidan had had his back in times where no one else did. Their chemistry in battle was something that was unmatched, even by Kisame and Itachi who'd been partners for longer than they had. 

"I suppose you're correct" he finally says. 

"Of course I am," Jashin says smugly and Kakuzu would guess that he was smirking even though he couldn't see his face. "That is why I am going to do something that I haven't done since Hidan. I am going to bless you Kakuzu. With my blessing, you will be truly immortal. You will never die from age or battle. Normally I only do this for people who devote themselves to me and my rules but I see that a request of that level would be a battle that I would not win. I will however require that you use the Curse Technique to make sacrifices in my name once a day in thanks for -"

"Wait a minute," Kakuzu interrupts and yes he just interrupted a God and that briefly crosses his mind but he's full business mode now and pushes it aside, "You want me to go out and stab myself in the chest once a day to appease you when you are the one who wishes to bestow upon me this gift just so Hidan won't be lonely for the rest of forever?" Really that all this boils down to being. Kakuzu pieced together this puzzle a while ago. 

"Essentially yes," Jashin nods, sounds as if he's a little put off at being interrupted like that, "It is the role of Jashinist to perform a daily ritual to cleanse himself of the impurities of the world in my name."

"I'm not a Jashinist though," Kakuzu point out, "I have no desire to be one. I also do not have the desire to die and spend the rest of eternity in the fire pits of hell either." He's in full conducting business mode now, "So how about this in exchange for your blessing I will sacrifice all my future bounties in your name, obviously nothing to serious because they must be recognizable to collect the money, and I will even thank you afterwards. Let's cut out the daily stuff."

Jashin stands, descends the stairs to tower over Kakuzu. From under the hood, a pair of glowing blood red eyes are regarding him and he swears he can see a toothy grin. "Haggling with a god who has just offered you immortality? Kakuzu you are a very brave man." it sounds amused, "very well. All future bounties will be sacrificed using the Curse Technique with thanks to me." his voice goes serious, "There is one other thing I request of you Kakuzu."

Kakuzu raises an eyebrow in question and Jashin leans in, head beside Kakuzu's own so he can whisper in his ear. 

"Don't leave Hidan. Stay with him for the rest of eternity." Jashin leans back, extending a hand out to be shaken.

Kakuzu ponders the request a moment before sighing, "I've put up with that annoying idiot for this long, I think I can handle him for the rest of eternity. Lord Jashin you have yourself a deal." He reaches out and takes the god's hand. 

This time he knows Jashin smiles, "Excellent." 

\- 

Thump. Thump. Thump. 

The first thing Kakuzu notices is how strongly his heart is beating in his chest. The other four are still dead but his is alive, beating strongly despite the poison still in his system. The second thing Kakuzu notices is that he's not alone. He can feel several other chakra signatures standing close to him. He feints still being dead, waiting. 

"Sensei, are you sure its dead?" one of them, a boy, is asking. 

"Absolutely! There was no pulse when I checked and that's not an it. Believe it or not you three are looking at the corpse of one of the members of Akatsuki." came the gruffer reply, from an older gentlemen. 

A Jōnin with a group of Genin. The perfect victims for someone looking to replace some hearts. Kakuzu ironically finds himself sending a thanks to Jashin. He doesn't really need the hearts anymore but old habits that he'd been performing for around eighty five odd years are hard to shake. The Jōnin is still talking about how the Akatsuki was an organization of S-Ranked low lifes when he cracks open his eyes. The Jōnin's back was to him and the Genin were so intend on the story, bright eyed and grinning. No one was paying attention to him. Good. He starts loosening the threads on his body. 

"And that child is why- ACK" Black threads wrapped themselves around the Jōnin's throat while more of them pierced his back, right at heart level. 

Kakuzu climbs to his feet, smirking as he looks at the three terrified Genin, "Actually the members of the Akatsuki aren't low lifes at all. Some of us are very talented." His threads wrap themselves around the still beating heart and pull. A anguished gurgling scream is ripped from the Jōnin as his heart is ripped from him before he is released and falls face first into the ground, lifeless. He pulls the heart into his body, replacing one of the dead ones. Drops the useless organ on the ground, "Take myself for example. I really like hearts. Need them to live. And just so happens you lot have the unfortunately luck of coming across me when I'm in the need for four," he takes a skeptically look at the dead Jōnin at his feet, "well three more hearts the replace the ones I've lost." 

The Genin let out terrified screams before attempting to flee. 

Kakuzu's eyes light up as he unleashes a mass of threads that catch all three of them before than can get more than a couple of feet from him. He makes quick work of replacing his hearts. Once that is done he stretches. The strength is returning to his body. He can feel it adjusting to the new additions. Can feel his chakra bonding with the new organs so he'll be able to make his masks come alive. 

Oh how good it is to be alive. Now all he needs is to find Hidan. He takes the time to remove his cloak and brush it off as he thinks of the closest bounty station near to his location. The one that comes to mind is one of his frequent stops. The bathroom disguised one in Konoha. Hidan is familiar with that one as well. Surely that's where he headed. Kakuzu wastes no time in setting out for it. 

When he gets there he sees Hidan emerging with a briefcase of what he knows his money. His eyes don't linger on the briefcase for long though, they look at Hidan's face. He looks lost, nothing in those normally blazing with some sort of emotion eyes. Grief stricken. Kakuzu watches as he takes a look at the briefcase before flinging it down the stairs. It lands on the bottom on the ground. The Jashinist plops on the top step that leads up to the bathroom with a shaky sigh. Kakuzu watches as Hidan hangs his head. Watches as his own fingers tangle in his silver hair, pulling it. It makes Kakuzu move from his place. 

He walks up to where the briefcase is lying, stopping just at it. He gives it a look before turning up to scowl at Hidan, making sure to make his voices sound as disapproving as possible when he says, "Remind me to never let you cash in another bounty if this is how you treat the money afterwards." 

Hidan's head snaps up, wide eyes land on him. Kakuzu watches as shock, recognition, relief, and joy wash through those bright eyes before it all is replaced and they're blazing in fury. Hidan is one his feet a storming down the stairs in a flash. His mouth is open and Kakuzu prepares for the volley of profane language that is bound to come hurling at him or even an attack but it doesn't happen. When Hidan gets to the bottom of the stairs, that fury is snuffed out and replaced by confusion. Instead of saying anything or attempting to attack Kakuzu because he thought Kakuzu was fucking with him, Hidan reached a hand out and his fingers wrapped around something hanging from Kakuzu's neck. Confused himself, Kakuzu looks down and is greeted by the sight of a Jashin pendant hanging from around his neck. He hadn't even felt Jashin slip it on him. Fucking smooth god. 

"I... Kakuzu.... What?" Hidan's stumbling over his words. Unsure of what exactly he wants to say or ask. 

Kakuzu decides to explain it to him before he hurts his brain any further. "The poison killed me. I wasn't lying about dying. All five of my hearts stopped beating. I found myself in a black marble throne room," 

"Lord Jashin," Hidan interrupts, awe in his voice. 

Kakuzu nods, "He appeared to me. Told me that he admired my success in figuring out how to cheat death." that's all he was saying. There was no way he was about to tell Hidan the other stuff. No way. "Made a deal with me. Said he would grant me immortality in exchange for sacrifices. Took the deal. It occurred to me that if I were dead then that meant someone else would be in charge of my finances. I can't have some other bastard with liberty over my money. They might spend it or in your case disrespect it." 

"Kakuzu!" Hidan sounds almost offended that he could still be talking like a heathen, "Your a Jashinist now! Money is immaterial shit! It's something fucking heathens like." 

Kakuzu actually smiles at that. It's good to have Hidan back to his annoying self. "Well I hate to break it to you kid but turns out Lord Jashin doesn't actually mind heathens. I'm also not a Jashinist. Converting wasn't part of the deal." 

Hidan attempts to glare but it doesn't last as a huge grin appears on his face. "So that means your stuck with me for eternity doesn't it?" He sounds excited. 

"Unfortunately so," There is no bite to that statement. Kakuzu chooses to ignore than and instead reaches down to pick up the briefcase, brushes it off before looking back to Hidan, "Ready to go then? We need to get back. No time to be wasting standing around here." With that said he turns away and starts walking off. 

"Fuck off Kakuzu!" Hidan's still grinning - a look Kakuzu has always liked on him - and he's following closely behind Kakuzu, bounce to his step. 

Jashin's words ring in his head about him being the second thing in life that Hidan has that he cares about. He thinks that maybe, just maybe Hidan is the second thing in like that he has that he cares about as well - the first being money. And that thought is something that doesn't bother him in the least. Not anymore.


End file.
